Put those thoughts away and only deal with them when they truly come to pass. I know you want to help them but please don’t think that saving your parent from their depression is totally your responsibility. If they won't leave you alone, leave the room without saying a word. Due to her depression she is like a brick wall. Eventually - way too late - I learned that I couldn't change her but I could get away from her. • 4 yr. My mum has always been depressed and she has anxiety, two things I very luckily inherited, but I think it’s gotten worse. [deleted] Living with my parents worsens my depression. but one way i figure things out and cope is anonymous friends online that you can talk about your problems too. It's time to seek professional help like supportive counseling, therapy and support groups. You have no motivation to do anything. Depression is an illness, seek medical attention. 5 minutes, not a lot of time, not a lot of effort, but the mental clarity achieved is great. ago. First of all, you are not a loser. In my ten years of therapy, I don't recall that ever being a topic with any of my dozen of carers, but it makes sense. So everyone has to cope in his or her own way with the infirmity and decrepitude of ageing. Within half an hour of talking to him, he'd deduced that I had attachment issues stemming from a lack of emotional availability with my parents. Things like exercise and diet and lifestyle changes are a great adjunct to actual medical treatment. I got out because when I started feeling self destructive and suicidal, my grandmother arranged for myself and my parent to see a family counsellor. If your parents are continually fighting, then they should get divorced. If they put hands on you, call the police. I am now a mother of two, myself. You can ask them if they would like to go out and do something, but if they don't - then DROP it. And of course, though this may not always be obvious, please ask for help. Basically, my father has been an alcoholic for ~17 years. You are left with more alone time. Depression is a disease that needs treatment. Switch to a high CBD, low THC blend, get into a support group and consider grief/transition focused therapy. Men like respect. Literally millions of other people have experienced depression As someone who has many family members who have dealt with depression, anxiety and other forms of mental illness, I can tell you that the trouble you describe cannot be solved by good parenting, but with the right medications and therapy, there is a path out. Not postpartum depression but just regular type that came back right when my baby was born I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that I have a home to live in. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now Go to depression r/depression. Alcohol will make it worse. Reply. My two siblings and I have jobs, so we're rarely home. Hugs, this is a painful time, and I understand why you can’t stop crying. That no doubt sinks me lower and lower into depression. Maybe try making her responsible for something in the house. You can give her the adress of a good therapist but you can t go for her. After the kids left diaper stage he was a good dad. They tell you to stop calling so much. My SO and I deal with each others depression all of the time. Many elderly people suffer depression and anxiety as part of geriatricity. On the lines of the routine, set schedule of sleep time and wake up time. For years, I felt alone and hopeless. You are a successful student and you're setting goals for yourself, congrats on that. You can't force her to be happy. His measure of a man is the the extent to which he provides and the quality of that which he provides. I’ve kinda sensed my dad has some kind of Bipolar for at least a decade now. Maybe set up phone call dates. Ultimately it’s going to be up to your parent if they want to get help or not. Or maybe you hire a babysitter. Shower bars, a shower chair, an emergency call button necklace. Who they would tell me I’m suicidal to get attention and stuff like that. Indian parents are the worst at handling mental issues like depression, anxiety and even bipolar disorder. Still, today she calls me to ask how I am, and You seem to be pretty empathetic and sensible to your parents needs, which I think is very kind of you, especially since you are 16 and probably have a lot of stuff to figure out for yourself (even without the added difficulty of having to worry about your parents and how to interact with them). Give lots of hugs: Hugs release oxytocin, which improves your mood and relaxes you. What is hppening to them is also happening to you. so it’s harder to deal with when i can’t control or withdraw emotions easily. Aim to stop seeing the military as something awful. New World setting. Right off the bat, I want to start with a cliche Yes, save yourself! You are only responsible for YOU, your parents are supposed to care for you and protect you, NOT you them! I went through something really similar, and ruined so many great opportunities by spending my energy on fixing my self-centered and depressed parents. I hope you find it to be a place of support and kindness. Make your parents happy - make them deliriously giddy with joy. Everyone deals with it in their own way. He often says that I’m mean to him, and then says I’m the only person that cares about him. Your experience is not unique. I hate dealing with depressed people because they always drain my energy and always ask for my attention help and support and always act like I should make them my top priority just because they are depressed. He’s been depressed since before I met him. My parents are quite emotionally abusive; they commented on my weight told me I was fat even though my doctor said I was underweight. r/depression_help provides a platform for you to get the support, advice, inspiration and motivation you need to make the best of your life with the mental illness - depression. What his example has done for you and helped you. His friend said, “well, that’s my great aunts boyfriend, we just call him Grandpa E****”. It's difficult on both sides and challenging. Kromulent. I’m a 18F, and I have a father who I think is depressed. Bipolar Mother Damaging My Life. Vitamins and water. Reassure her and continue to ask how you can help. In response to your lack of drive, just do something. Failing College is just a degree nothing more do it when you feel better. Job with later start (or flexible start times). encourage him to seek help. Even if you can't do anything perhaps knowing you care for her will help. Share. Tell him he has your respect. Alcoholic, controlling, abusive (verbally) and a liar. 1. An adult with low functioning depression. I suspect they're the best ones to help you through it. The best thing you can do is stay in regular contact, and send little "thinking of you" gifts - like flowers, a cute mug, a fun framed image they would like. 5. LIKE NO. Just call him randomly. r/depression Members Online • Throwaway967398950 . This may seem cliche or that theres an obvious answer, but the situation that I’m in may be different from average. They don't outright say that they're punishing me because I'm depressed, but the things I do or don't do because I'm depressed get punished. He has a very negative outlook on life and always thinks I’m talking about him to my sister or someone else. Take it one day at a time and one step at a time and listen to your body, it knows what you need and will tell you if you listen close enough. Compliment his stick-to-itiveness and perseverance. i think i didn’t realize how much of my self-worth was tied to my achievements and “productivity. Im not looking for a fight or a discussion, I just wanna put this off my chest. They avoid a lot of heavy topics so that’s why I don’t know how to approach this situation, but have been noticing it affecting me Read some psychology books and arm yourself with knowledge. But taking steps to understand your emotions and find support can As bogus as this sounds, meditation paired with exercise, eating healthy, drinking enough water and getting enough sleep. It will make you feel better about yourself and put you in with good, caring people. Really. Grieving the loss of a parent is personal. Now you just have to wait them out. What torments him so that he lashes out at his wife? 3. I [31M] am in long distance relationship with my gf [29F]. She tried to keep me from my friends, always having some reason why whoever I was meeting wasn’t a good person or whatever. We spend the next few hours trying to cheer him, saying sorry, and trying to make him eat. They will make it worse. I understand being raised in a different culture, but when your kids - who grow up in a completely different society and both you the parent and the kid lives there - tell you that sometimes your behaviors are wrong and hurtful, why wouldn’t you listen to them? You need to share with her what you are feeling about her situation, it can make her change. Honestly, I've been avoiding being home because it is a toxic place to be in. The husband’s job is to provide. Write them sweet notes; take them to lunch; hang out with them and ask them questions about their childhoods, and then write. Therapy is something literally everyone can benefit from. She also thinks it is a choice. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. Still, today she calls me to ask how I am, and I was 23 when I had my son, and have been a single mom almost since his birth. So find people to hug. My experiences have lead me to believe that the best way to get out of severe depression is to seek medical help first. I hate dealing with depressed people. Sometimes she's fine, but other times she isolates herself in her room. He has his friends over, and he still is in a depressed mood, and I don't know what to do. You are dealing with old world values thrust into a. Narc sees me giving off depression vibes, becomes upset about it and shames me for it. I feel like this question gets asked a lot here. She leant way too much on me when I got past the age of 8 and overshared everything, leaving me depressed by association and burned out. As a young adult I was diagnosed with bipolar. They come upstairs and invade my privacy. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. Volunteer. 6. I've had anxiety since age 9, depression since about 11, both the result of some traumatic experiences and generally shit childhood. I’m now used to his mood swings and had to learn to stop taking things he do personally. You are in a very toxic place and there is only one solution: get out of there asap. You are not responsible for her mental state. not contributing anything to anyone. You’ve got this. She hasn’t worked since I was 7 and is enabled by A force for self-improvement, goodness, and togetherness that helps humanity eliminate evil. They love me enough to keep me by their side and make sure they don't irritate me, but I havnt gotten better since. It’s ruining my own mental health. Seeing a parent lose themselves to depression and become less of the person you've known you're entire life is devastating. We get into arguments a lot, and I often bring up the past and blame him He feels betrayed, goes to sit in a corner, and then refuses to eat. TRY PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE MOTHERS PLACE - You're depressed, you're lonely, one of your few social outlets is reaching out to talk to your daughter. If you just say "I'm depressed" it might get taken to lightly. "He's a great dad. Procuring and cooking food for a family is real, hard work. it’s hard to deal with when you have the personality i do. This is how a husband is valued. I’ve moved home to stay with my parents for the summer to save money and spend time with them and family. She has to do it on her own. Tell them you have heard that it might be caused by a chemical imbalance and you would like them to help you talk to a doctor about it. You may find the activity to be more fun and engaging than you think. It feels like I have one half of a parent, like I am my own Stretch, breathe. Go see a counsellor where you are for support. Just tell them you have lost hope. You still have a job, obligations, school, but all you want to do is fall deeply asleep and never wake up. i wish being unemployed didn’t make me feel so worthless. (someone elses fight) What you can control is your attitude. Please remember that this is not a crisis service; if you are in urgent need of assistance then please contact the appropriate helpline. There is no coming to terms with the inevitable; you just get on with what you can still do. 855-382-5433. If you need to take a little while longer to recover, that's okay, just make sure that you will move on someday. The cardinalistake of dealing with someone whose depressed is giving them a choice of whether or not you're going to help them because they will almost always say no. They used working out as something I would do to get rewards. still haven’t gotten away from it. Right, and that is the unfortunate part - the lack of insight. So when you worry about your parents dying in 30 years, your mind and body feel the same effects as if it was really happening. My parents have always had a weird way with communication, mostly passive aggressive and non-existent. Look up "covert incest"--no, nothing to do with the incest you're thinking of, it's not sexual--it's a form of abuse wherein a parent looks to a child for the sort of emotional support they should be getting from a peer. I saw this in my own family. It takes work to get a workable regimen for your depression, which is a cruel irony considering what you’re dealing with, but the further along you get, the better off you’ll be. Like, they may listen to you say that you wish they stayed together, but they won’t be able to stay together simply based on doing it for their children. Video gain removes da pain. Hands off dad when they were babies. Honestly if your parent is severely depressed, they need professional help. This thing must be done each day, like vacuuming, something that is, not something like dishes (a mess everyone in the house contributes to and can cause resentment). The hole never closes up, but you can paint the board, you can stick a flower into the hole, you can let life weather the hard edges away. I was 23 when I had my son, and have been a single mom almost since his birth. partners are meant to support you, but not at the cost of their own health. I. My mom was depressed all throughout my childhood and still is, today. it helps so much. Corbonthecobb. This includes you. Tell them you are going through the motions but it is painful. She is never excited about anything I say, she never has anything to share with me because she sits at home all day, and she is so unbelievably negative that I don't want to share anything with her anyway. Do it again 2 more times. ( ( (HUGS))) Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. But what is even more unfortunate is the stubbornness on top of that. It’s literally chemicals in your brain. Good luck friend. You have to give yourself the chance to live your life without feeling like you owe her something. Try it, right now. My mums dad died a few years ago and it hit her pretty hard, and she clearly still misses him very much. My self image is so horrible that dying seems Second, one of the worst things you can do with a depressed person is to make them do something they don't want to do. Because it’s not. I easily got custody of the children who were 4 and 6 at time of separation. Progression is key, so if you have decided to leave the bad behind, this is the place for you. IF you are rly having the feeling to tell your parents do some research before. you're not his therapist and should not have to deal with his episodes this frequently. I didn't have the chance bc both of my parents passed before I was 40, however, they also lived kind of far away and I was aware of time passing for them. Grew up in poverty, abused (physically and emotionally) as a child, sent to jail as she was tricked into helping with an unlawful act, financially abused by m Short answer to your question is that you don't have to devote yourself to her. The sadness sits on your back like a bag of rocks that you can't take off, a heavy ache on your shoulders like none other. Be as interesting as a gray rock. 3. I don't know where to take him, and I don't know what helped to give him. e. Current gf was depressed for a long time and still has problems now. It does hurt. Instead, think about it as a short term set back but nothing as crippling as a lifetime of student loan debt that the GI bill fixes. Literally millions of other people have experienced depression Go see a counsellor where you are for support. Start talking with them about it now. One of his friends said “Oh, that’s Grandpa E**” and my son said “yes, that’s my Grandpa and his name is E****”. Whatever you do don't try to "fix" her you can't do it. When he was 14-15 years old, he had a few friends over, playing games around the dining room table when my parents walked in. Depression is a weight of shame and anger and emotions misplaced. I know “don’t feel guilty” doesn’t help, but really, you sound like an amazing dad, and partner, and it’s not your fault you feel this way. You cannot change your parents. After 2 duis, he finally went to rehab last year, and was doing fine, or so we thought. Through the past few years, every single one of my friends has moved far away (out of state and out of country). They are abusive towards each other and towards you. Please don't talk to your parents about it. My depression is probably chronic and when I have Today, he's been in a very depressed mood even though he has 2 friends who had been spending the night. Eventually, you might be able to look at them with pity and forgiveness but for now you need to take very good care of yourself and keep on being awesome. 4. Oh, one more thing: You are blessed, in a way, with the awareness of how special these times are, when you're all alive. Today my student told me that she’s depressed and has suicidal thoughts. She has actually said that. Offer to help pay when your parents are ordering out. Maybe your parents could take care of the little one for a bit while you both get a break. A set time and day of the week. Your mother is making you parent her and be her doctor and her friend, which is WRONG. It's kind of reassuring and heart breaking to know other people have gone through what you have gone through. However, I am so depressed living with them! I stay in my room all day. Do not engage in arguments or drama. Best of luck to you. She’s Filipino and I’m American, and we are in the countryside in Japan. Speaking from my own experience dealing with a similar situation. And yes, it is ABUSE. The damage a horrible parent can do is like a nail hammered into a board. Reach out for help from your doctor or a therapist and come up with a plan on action. I eventually gained the courage and left him, but I was never the same. My mother has been depressed, angry or troubled much of my life. Something to look forward to if your chats have been less. I still work my 8 hours shifts but I was able to find a job that lets me start at 10AM. Their health can turn on a dime and blindside you with a plethora of new problems and that people can linger for a long, long time. They deserve better. [Rant/Vent] Depressed with many ongoing life problems and worries, on top of dealing daily with the narc's drama. You're entitled to your feelings of sadness. Maybe you have a friend who could. I had a social life. The purpose of this sub is to allow the spouses, partners, significant others, and friends of people with depression to talk to each other about the struggles they face as part of helping their significant other deal with their disease. Please read Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st and new posts at r/ModCord or r/Save3rdPartyApps for up-to-date information. It feels like I have one half of a parent, like I am my own It was not an easy childhood. Try to change your mindset. Takes both people's effort though. Things were hard, but okay. Therefore, when someone tells her that they have depression or were diagnosed with depression, she doesn't take it seriously. That. I am currently 18 and for as long as I have remembered my mom has battled with bipolar. I hope these things can help. Diet and exercise go a long way. You're a very good writer and you have a sharp mind. I still struggle with this A LOT but I find when I can sleep around the same time-ish, it really helps my mood. You're killing yourself by worrying this way. Pick up some groceries once in a while and cook a meal for the family, even a simple one. I have anxiety and PTSD from various incidents in my life. Find a quiet place away from home to study, like a library. Little steps like getting out of her room each day, going for a walk. God forbid if you have psychosis or something, then you're a literal outcast. Go ALONE for a doc and search help. And there's nowhere for a parent to reach out for help. You can removed the nail (the parent) but the hole is still there. Stop reading this right now, take a deep breath, as deep as you can, and breathe it out. Yet if you just do and don't ask, they let you help. [deleted] • 12 yr. A force for self-improvement, goodness, and togetherness that helps humanity eliminate evil. LEAVE ME THE LITERAL EFF ALONE. Please leave me alone” they INSIST on helping me anyways “wanna watch a movie , take a walk, wanna go out to eat, wanna get your nails done?”. How to deal I love my mum but I’m always very worried about her. Yep, this. I cope/survive. Three years ago, my parents separated, and my dad moved out, so she's all alone. Find a way to enjoy the little and mundane tasks. i’m bubbly, loud, outgoing etc. Write your dad a kind version of what you told us. Skip to main content How to deal with annoying parents. So first of all, let me say that I’m extremely happy to have found this sub that is exclusively for children of bipolar parent (S). My mom had a difficult life. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. When a narc sees you depressed, they attack and shame you for it. Thank you for submitting a post to r/depression_help! Please remember that this is not a crisis service; if you are in urgent need of assistance then please contact the appropriate helpline. Everyone is getting older, not just your parents. Award. You can tell the doctor whats going on (call and leave a message and ask him/her not to mention it to your mother) Antidepressants, and possible eval for incipient dementia, whch can take many forms. What I've learned from 20 years of living with Depression. Understanding them in this way will help. ADMIN MOD. If your relationship with your parents is healthy (and I assume it is based on your question), then they'll want to help guide you through this. My parents help with paying half of the bills. He goes through times when… Your suffering is caused by desiring an outcome over which you have no control. I was depressed as a younger person (after a difficult/traumatic time in my life), but doing well or you might say 'in remission' for a number of years. He's depressed, gets fixated on things, and becomes a major annoyance in my, my brother's, and my mom's work. The fact ur not self harming or dealing with suicidal ideations is a good sign that things arent That Bad, however they're not good, so don't downplay what you're going through - not even if someone has it worse, someone will always have it worse. You have to focus on the present, and what is reality right now. There’s no “normal” path or timeline. Start journaling, start a lifting routine, build good habits. I had many years of living with anxiety, depression and more. I figured out recently that my father is not going to ever be more than just "okay for now". In the meeting, parent agreed to every suggestion. Spend as much time there as possible. I am just so sad all the time. You know what I get for trying? My phone and videogames taken away. Focus on the Family has great resources. Stay busy and keep you eye on the goal. This can help your parents overcome depression and address the underlying causes of depression and not just the symptoms. Life can be tough; we all experience difficult obstacles at some point in our lives and to overcome them, we need support and inspiration. the guilt . • 1 yr. Im already past my mid 20s and for about 8 years my parents had to deal with me. Since having a kid a couple years ago my mental health has been garbage. "Emotionally neglectful" might be a bit of an overstatement, but there was a lack Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. Depression is hard on people around you who know, because they want to help, and you understand that they care and love them for it, but at the same time you know they really can't help, and that's a truth that's hard for people to understand. Seconding this. moving my room to the basement. Don't shy away from it either. Which is hard to grasp even if you have experienced depression to. Whatever they say, say "OK," or "I see," and then keep your mouth shut. My mom is dealing with depression and mood swings. Regarding my own parent, I spent years trying to fix her, keep her from "going off", make her happy, find ways to make life better (for all of us) How to deal with abusive alcoholic father Hi, so I (22F) really have never written about this and rarely talk about it. I'm trying but with depression is really hard. Have a sleep schedule. It is okay for you to make some boundaries. At the time, I was in grad school and still had many, many friends around to spend time with. You don't know what to do to improve, you are stuck in a routine, you are afraid. Failing College and Depression are 2 pair of shoes. It's nice to share the burden. But try not to be angry or frustrated with the other as you both know how helpless you sometimes are with depression. Old proofing the house is a good first step if your mother ks determined to live at home. Talk to him. Try compassion instead of hatred for your father. ” now that i can’t bring myself to even do my hobbies or actively job hunt again, i feel like a piece of garbage everyday. You hate yourself and assume everyone else does too. I have bad grades, I'm failing in almost everything. It might be helpful for you to seek therapy on how to deal with a family member with depression. After I tell them “no there’s nothing you can do to help me. Lots of people out of work. I feel so bad for my parents. Push yourself to keep up with the little things, keep up with your health. 11. r/depression. (I do too and I know it runs in my family). If your dad is willing, Focus on the Family offers a free one time Biblically based consultation and can help you find help in your area. You are saving a bunch of money living with your parents, this is simply a nice and considerate gesture. hi ak en tg ru nq oz fb ey ix